if_inconvenient | (no subject)

"Heaven help America when she pulls it off."

"If she ends up in the White House," Cal says, "I'm moving to fucking Australia."

. . . then he glances toward the door, just in case his mother somehow heard that. Things in the house may be different now, but there are still lines it's best not to cross.

"While I would be tempted to join you, I think I might stay here instead. Keep her honest, if such a thing is possible."

"Yeah?" Cal says. "Before or after you make pigs fly?"

This is the most comfortable the conversation has been so far, pulled away from uneasy subjects; Cal finds himself relaxing into his chair and smiling.

"Flying pigs is easy. All it requires is a catapult."

"By themselves." Cal is going to have to start making his hyperboles more detailed at this rate.

"I assure you catapulted pigs are quite solitary. I could do this all day, you know."

Cal considers this.

"You suck," he decides.

"Not if you catapult them in groups," he adds a few seconds later.

He cracks up.

Cal starts laughing, too.

"Those poor pigs," he manages after a moment. "We ought to give them parachutes if we are to be flinging them across the sky in such a fashion."

"Of course they get parachutes. You're too much of a smartass to give them wings."

How thoughtless of you, Sherlock.

"Wings need to be correctly operated. Parachutes are passive. I am only thinking of the welfare of the pigs."

"Then teach them to use the wings," Cal says. "Parachutes can go wrong. And isn't there - yeah, how would they pull the cord?"

It's all about the details.

"Parachutes can be passive, I should say."

He is much too cheerful about being corrected.

"Are you gonna pull the cord for them?" Cal asks.

"Are you going to design an ornithopter?"

A what? Cal pauses.

"Three of them," he says with assurance.

"I commend your ability to sound as though you know what you're talking about. A device that flies by the use of automated flapping wings," he explains. "As opposed to a fixed-wing craft such as those that actually exist."

"I always know what I'm talking about."

Except for when he doesn't.

"We'll have to get Tony in on that."

"No doubt he will be thrilled to indulge our whimsy."

"Who wouldn't want to design wings for pigs?" Cal asks, managing to sound entirely reasonable despite his grin.

"It all depends on how the matter is presented. Tell him it's impossible and you'll have your flying pigs in a week."

Cal laughs.

"Maybe I'll go over tomorrow and do that."

"Do let me know how it goes."