if_inconvenient | (no subject)

Tony claims roughly half of the three-person couch, of course.

Cal sighs inwardly, wishing there had been a way to do that without making it look like he was siding against Sherlock. It had been dangerously close to getting ugly in there, though, and ugliness tends not to leave any attractive choices. Tony is a complicating factor, especially since Obadiah has no problem using him as leverage. (And he doesn't even fucking notice.)

He puts the box he's carrying down on the table and flips it open, for all the world as if its contents are his most immediate concern.

Sherlock perches on the opposite end of the couch from Tony, near Cal. Obadiah, naturally, takes the armchair to Tony's left.

"So how is school, Sherlock?"

"No duller than usual."

They are not actively sniping at each other; Tony seems to take this as a win, and brightens the hell up as he opens the pizza box that Sherlock set in front of him. It's vegetarian, of course—Obie's favourite. The other two are pepperoni. Tony reaches across to steal a slice from Cal's.

Cal helpfully nudges the box closer.

He should say something, he knows. It's one of the hundreds of little rules he's been raised with and is currently falling back on - part of his responsibility as a guest is to help the conversation move along comfortably.

But he doesn't really want to draw Obadiah's attention any more than he has to. So. He'll say something, he will join in, but he can get away with appearing occupied with a slice of pizza for a minute or so first. So that's what he does.

"No wonder you're friends with this one," says Obadiah, smiling across the length of the coffee table at Cal and Sherlock. "He's quiet as a mouse."

If Sherlock didn't notice the undertones before, he does now that he is looking for them. Subtle but definitely present. But, for Tony's sake, he does not immediately throw the man out of his house.

Guess who's oblivious?

He rolls his eyes, but he doesn't seem to catch any weird implications. (What he catches is that Sherry is even less friendly than usual. He chalks it up to Obie's cracks about social skills.)

"Maybe he just doesn't wanna talk with his mouth full," he suggests helpfully. Around a bite of pizza.

He's ready for it this time, and it's easier to take a punch when you know it's coming. He manages not to look at Sherlock, not to seem as though he noticed anything other than the surface of Obadiah's words and Jesus did Tony really have to say that right this very second? If he didn't know better, he'd think Tony was in on it.

He keeps his eyes on the slice in his hand for a few extra seconds, lingering over the bite he's chewing, taking that vital time to compose himself before he swallows and has to answer.

(His face is just a little warm, but it's not noticeable, is it?)

"This is good," he says to Tony, "where'd you order it from?" A weak effort, especially considering the logo on the boxes, but he'd rather look stupid than vulnerable. Anything is better than vulnerable.

"Domino's," says Tony—and the logos are mostly obscured by open lids, so Cal could just be incredibly unobservant, to which he can relate— "is without doubt the best goddamn pizza joint in the country. Am I right?"

"I can't argue," Obie concurs, all innocence.

"Certainly," Sherlock agrees. His voice is light, neutral.

He might not fool Obadiah; he probably won't fool Tony; and if nothing else, Cal is going to see right through that facade of indifference to the part of him that would rather propel Obadiah out of the room by force than continue to make polite conversation.

Cal thinks Sherlock is doing a fairly decent impression of someone who just wants to get through something he considers unpleasant without upsetting his brother. That's probably what he'd mistake the act for if he didn't know better.

But he does know better, and the subtle indication of support is reassuring. He is, for a change, not in this alone. He relaxes a little, and the smile he gives Tony is convincing as he says,

"I don't know, Uno does a deep dish that's pretty good, you ever been?"

"Nope. Should I?"

He is open to pizza-related suggestions! And frankly, he is completely okay with talking to Cal while the other two shut up and eat their pizza!

Cal is happy with any scenario that involves Obadiah not saying anything.

"Yeah," he says, "they're mostly on the East Coast, but there's a couple out here. I just wish there was one a little closer."

He can do harmless, meaningless small talk for as long as he has to. Especially since Tony seems not to notice exactly how poisonous the atmosphere is in here. Cal would like, for Sherlock's sake as well as Tony's, to keep it that way. If Tony doesn't see it, after all, that means he doesn't have a reason to see it.

Either that, or - no, Cal would rather cling to what little optimism he can find right now.

"Yeah?" Tony is honestly and completely interested in this conversation. "Well, where's the nearest one?"

"I think the one I went to was in Modesto?" Cal says. "Uh. If there is one closer than that I don't know about it."

He did, in fact, look it up once. There was a pot-induced craving involved.

He takes another bite of his pizza, mostly for appearance's sake. Any appetite he had before is gone.

"We should totally go there sometime," Tony declares, making a gesture that includes himself, Sherlock, and Cal. "All three of us."

He is serious about his pizza.

"I'm not invited?" Obie asks with a smile. Tony laughs and shakes his head.

"One, you only eat pizza because you love me so much; two, you live on the wrong coast; three, after half an hour in a car with a bunch of teenagers you'd shoot yourself."

Nice try, though, Cal doesn't say.

"Sounds good," he says cheerfully. "I'm in."

This time the conversation allows for a look at Sherlock, under the guise of finding out his thoughts on a pizza trip.

"I suppose I could endure such a venture," he says dryly.

Tony provides a helpful translation: "That means yes."

Cal laughs.

"Yeah, I'm getting used to Sherlock speak," he says, his tone fond.

Even if he does occasionally wish he had a dictionary on him.

"I speak perfectly intelligible English."

"From the wrong century."

Cal thinks briefly of Milliways and says,

"It's not his fault the time machine was a little off."

It'll sound kind of random to Tony, he knows, but Sherlock will appreciate the reference.

He finishes his slice and takes the opportunity to not reach for another.

Sherlock puts his hand to his mouth to prevent himself from laughing pizza all over the table.

"Looks like you've figured out his sense of humour, too," says Obadiah. "Could you translate for the humans in the room?"

For that, Tony will give him the flattest look in the history of flat looks.

"Cool it."

"I was just—"

"And now you're just shutting up."

Obie raises his hands in surrender, still smiling gently. After a moment, Tony relaxes and goes back to his pizza.